A first-rate institution for hopeless cases.— Mr V. Dursley, parent, Little Whinging
*Pending confirmation. Figures compiled at the morning bell and not revisited.
Every boy arrives here a problem.
Some leave as something else. We make no promises beyond that, and we have never needed to.
Parents come to us at the end of a long road. They have tried kindness. They have tried the local grammar. They have tried a stern word from an uncle. St Brutus's begins where those methods conclude, and we begin promptly — a boy admitted before noon is at work by two.
You will hear it said that we are severe. We are consistent, which is often mistaken for the same thing. In one hundred and fifty-nine years no boy has ever left this Centre uncertain of where he stood.
Dr Ignatius Thackeray-Crumb, MA (Oxon)
Headmaster · formerly HM Prison Service
Notice Board
- Michaelmas term begins 3 September. Gates close 3 September.
- Half-term has been reviewed and will not be proceeding this year.
- The Long Field remains out of bounds following the incident.
- Parents are reminded that the telephone in the Porter's Lodge is not answered.
- Current period: —
Perimeter status
Secure Last verified at the eleven o'clock walk. The wire was funded in full by the Parents' Association, to whom the Centre is grateful. Monitoring is contracted to Weyland-Yutani, whose motto — Building Better Worlds — the Governors found reassuring and did not investigate further.
Chapel Roof Appeal
£3,140 of £40,000 raised. The roof was removed in 1988 for cleaning. Donations may be added to any invoice.
Boy sets county silence record
A fourth-year in Contrition has gone eleven weeks without speaking, surpassing the 1974 mark. Staff describe him as "coming along nicely." He has been awarded forty house points and a second blanket.
New woodwork lathe installed
The Governors have approved a lathe for the Michaelmas term. All tools will continue to be counted twice: once on issue, once on return, and once more if the second count disagrees.
Inspection concluded
The Centre was last inspected in 1904 and found to be "in every respect what it appears to be." No further inspection has been requested by any party.
A century and a half of applied disappointment
St Brutus's was not built to be liked. It was built on a moor, out of local stone, by men who were paid by the yard.
Saint Brutus of Northumbria
Brutus was a seventh-century abbot and the patron saint of lost causes, difficult sons, and corrective violence. Little is recorded of his teaching beyond its results. He is said to have taken in forty boys whom no monastery would keep, and to have returned thirty-eight of them to their families improved.
He was martyred in 704 by his own pupils. The Church has never regarded this as a reflection on his methods, and neither do we. His feast day is 11 November; it is marked here by an additional hour of silence.
A portrait of the saint hangs above the high table in the Refectory, dark with two centuries of steam. It is catalogued, and rather better lit, by the Weyland-Yutani Gallery, which describes the sitter's expression as "anticipatory."
The Founding
In 1867 the industrialist Sir Cornelius Pike purchased eleven hundred acres of Bleaklow Moor and endowed a Centre for the reception of boys who had exhausted the patience of everyone who knew them. Pike's conviction was simple, and is carved above the North Gate:
"No boy is born wicked. He becomes so, by degrees, and by degrees it can be taken back out of him."
Pike died in 1881 and is buried in the Chapel. His son declined to visit.
The Grounds
The Centre occupies forty acres within the wire. The Refectory seats two hundred and forty and echoes. The Quiet Wing houses boys requiring additional reflection and has no windows facing the road. The Chapel is roofless but consecrated. The Long Field is currently out of bounds. Beyond that there is the moor, which does most of our work for us.
In the press
The Centre does not court publicity and has received very little. In 1994 Mr J. Qwilleran of the Moose County Something visited for an afternoon and filed nine hundred words on our door hinges. The Governors framed it. It remains the only wholly favourable notice we have ever had, and it is about hinges.
Foundation. Forty-one boys admitted in the first week; thirty-nine remain by Christmas.
The wire is raised for the first time, in response to what the minute book calls "an enthusiasm."
The Centre is inspected and found to be "in every respect what it appears to be."
Introduction of Applied Silence to the curriculum. Examination results improve markedly.
Hot water installed in the staff wing.
The school photograph is taken. It is not repeated.
The Chapel roof is removed for cleaning.
Modernisation. The cane is henceforth administered only by qualified staff, only on weekdays, and only for reasons.
The endowment is transferred to Henron Corp on the advice of a Governor who no longer attends.
The endowment is written down. The accounts describe it thereafter as "egg-based." Fees are raised.
The freehold passes to PHI Corp The Centre is assured nothing will change, and nothing has.
The Centre acquires a website. The Governors are assured it can be taken down again.
Dr I. Thackeray-Crumb
Headmaster. Formerly HM Prison Service. Believes in the boy, eventually.
Mrs A. Vell
Deputy Head & Mistress of Corrections. Twenty-nine years' service. Has never raised her voice.
Rev. S. Mote
Chaplain. Conducts the roofless service in all weathers, which he considers the point.
Miss P. Grill
Matron. Holds the keys to the medicine cupboard and the opinion that most of it is nerves.
Mr F. Pacheco
Chairman of the Board of Governors, for PHI Corp Attends by letter. Has never seen the moor and has twice declined to.
Flywheel, Shyster & Shyster
Solicitors to the Centre since 1934. Handle admissions appeals, boundary disputes, and the annual letter to the newspapers. Attorneys-at-law, allegedly.
What a boy learns here
Our curriculum is narrow by design. A boy who has failed at eleven subjects will not be helped by a twelfth.
| Subject | Years | Assessed by |
|---|---|---|
| Latin & Lamentation | 1–5 | Recitation |
| Applied Silence | 1–5 | Duration |
| Rope, Knot & Restraint Studies | 2–5 | Practical |
| Mathematics, to Sentencing Level | 1–4 | Written |
| Physical Correction (compulsory) | 1–5 | Attendance |
| Boot Polish & Personal Presentation | 1–2 | Inspection |
| Modern Contrition (GCSE equiv.) | 4–5 | Oral, then written, then oral again |
| Woodwork (supervised) | 3–5 | Tool count |
Points are awarded for silence, stillness, and the prompt surrender of contraband. Points are not awarded for enthusiasm.
| Time | Period |
|---|
The bell is rung by hand. It has not been late since 1962.
Discipline — a statement
St Brutus's is a modern institution. Since 1998 the cane has been administered only by qualified staff, only on weekdays, and only for reasons. Reasons are recorded in the Punishment Book, which is available for inspection by any parent giving six weeks' notice.
Parents who object to corporal correction are warmly invited to consider a different school, and are reminded that the deposit is not returnable.
The Refectory
Porridge at half past six, dinner at noon, supper at six. Almost Fruit preserves have been served on Sundays since 1987 — one spoonful, level, and no boy has ever complained twice. The Quiet Wing is heated by Thatherton Fuels of Arlen, Texas, the Governors having accepted a quotation one penny below the local supplier's and been unable since to obtain a second. A Brawndo machine was installed in the staff room in 2019. It is not available to boys.
Refer a boy
We accept referrals from parents, guardians, aunts, magistrates and concerned neighbours. We do not accept referrals from the boy.
| Tuition | £7,400 |
| Boarding & Containment | £3,900 |
| Uniform (three sets, hard-wearing) | £218 |
| Cane Levy — per stroke, billed in arrears | £0.40 |
| Recapture Surcharge — if applicable | £150 |
| Chapel Repairs — non-optional | £60 |
| Christmas Retention Fee | £95 |
Bursaries are available to families of good character in reduced circumstances. Applications are considered in September and declined in October. Fees are collected on the Centre's behalf by PHI Corp, who are thorough.
What to bring
Nothing. Anything a boy arrives with is placed in the Property Room and returned to him on departure, less handling.
Record of boys, 1867 to present
The Centre keeps a record of every boy admitted, considered, or declined. Records are never destroyed. Families may request a correction; corrections are appended, not applied.
Semel Fractus, Semper Fractus
Once broken, always broken. Membership is automatic, permanent, and cannot be resigned. The subscription is £12 a year and is collected with some persistence.
The Annual Reunion Dinner
Held in the Refectory on the second Saturday of November. Black tie. Doors are locked at 7:30 and a headcount is taken at 11. Old Brutonians are asked not to bring guests, and not to discuss the Long Field at table.
The loyal toast is drunk in silence, as is the custom, and as is most of the evening.
Notable Old Brutonians
The Rt Hon. Aloysius Grendle (1912) — Home Secretary, 1948–51. Introduced three Acts, all of them shorter than expected.
Mr Thomas Fen (1959) — lighthouse keeper, Outer Hebrides, thirty-four years. Volunteered. Reapplied twice.
Mr H. Ballard (1974) — holder of the county record for continuous silence, eleven weeks and four days, unbroken until his mother telephoned.
Mr E. Crisp (1983) — the only boy in the Centre's history to be readmitted at his own request.
Mr R. Vance (1979) — terraforming supervisor, Weyland-Yutani, Hadley's Hope, LV-426. Wrote once, in 1986, to say the perimeter reminded him of home. There has been no further correspondence and the Association has stopped writing.
Careers
Old Brutonians are found in locksmithing, security consultancy, the merchant navy, monastic orders, and the removals trade. A gratifying number end up on the correct side of a gate.
They use the cane. That's the main thing.
I don't hold with this namby-pamby, wishy-washy nonsense about not hitting people who deserve it. Excellent value.
He went in a nightmare and came out a young man who says very little. I could not ask for more. I did ask. They said no.
Four stars. The porridge.
Update your record
Old Brutonians wishing to notify the Association of a change of address should write to the Registrar. Those wishing not to notify the Association of a change of address should be aware that we will find out.
School shop
Open to parents, Old Brutonians and the general public. Not open to boys. All goods are dispatched from the Porter's Lodge within six to eleven weeks.
Boot polish, enamelware and the trunk fittings are manufactured to the Centre's specification by Tamaribuchi Heavy Manufacturing Concern. Perimeter wire is surplus and is sold as seen. The Emporium is operated under licence from PHI Corp
Finding us, and leaving again
The Centre lies eleven miles from the nearest road that is gritted. Visitors are advised to come in daylight and to tell someone where they are going.
The Centre
St Brutus's Secure Centre
for Incurably Criminal Boys
The Old Quarry Road
Bleaklow Moor
Derbyshire SK13 —
Telephone — rings in the Porter's Lodge
Post — collected Tuesdays, read Fridays
The line is maintained by BellSouth and has been out of order since the spring, which the Porter regards as an improvement.
Visiting hours
- Second Sunday of alternate months, 2:00–2:20pm.
- Through glass. One adult per boy.
- Gifts are inspected, recorded, and kept.
- Do not approach the perimeter.
- Do not approach the perimeter from the moor side.
May I take my son home for Christmas?
You may apply. Applications are considered on merit — his, and yours.
Is the food adequate?
It is sufficient. Almost Fruit preserves on Sundays. There has never been a complaint that survived the appeals process, which is conducted by our solicitors.
Where does the food come from?
The kitchen garden, chiefly, and the Long Field before it was closed. Since 2024 the garden has been enrolled in vegetable.app at the Governors' insistence. Boys are not permitted telephones, so the produce is logged by Matron, who logs it wrong.
What happens if a boy runs?
He is returned. There is a surcharge. The moor is largely self-policing and we have rarely had to go further than the second gate.
May I speak to my son's housemaster?
Housemasters do not take calls during term. Out of term they are not here.
Do you accept boys who are not criminal?
Not yet. Most arrive within a fortnight.
Is there a uniform?
There is. It is grey, it is hard-wearing, and it is the same one he will wear on the day he leaves.